Fiddling With Mitt

     It will come as a surprise to learn that htis blog has a mole in the Romney camp. Our source is an associate of Willard Augustus' known only to us as Deep Kibble. He has let us have a sneak preview of things to come if Romney attains the crown.

     Mitt has vowed to slash the "federal firefighter, police and teacher budgets" once elected. He is backed in this by the Cato Koch Institute. Spokeperson Ayn Rand IV stated, "home schooling, guns and fire extinguishers made this country great along with free enterprise, freedom from taxation and buy one get one free sales."

     Willard has retained the Bush playbook on Katrina and pledges to do the same heckuva job on national disasters (his presidency excluded). Brownie will be coming back to head FEMA until it's outsourced to China. Outsourcing will come within the purview of his vice- president, Bain Capital. Since corporations are treated as individuals under the law, the GOP has decided to just go ahead and run them for office. Since they're controlling us anyway. It's refreshing to be given this small bit of honesty.

     Bain Capital narrowly beat out Mitt's first choice, the ghost of Ronald Reagan. Unfortunately for Gipper fans the planchette kept moving to "NO."

     Those who feared the imposition of Sharia law under Barack Obama can rest easy. Willard I is set to make the US the first country to be ruled by Mormon law. States which have grown fat and happy off the taxes imposed on cigarettes, alcohol and caffeine drinks will have to look elsewhere for easy money. Since there will be no cops or regulations addicts of these once legal substances will easily be able to find them on the black market.

     With the election of Willard Romney the devolution of the US is nearly complete. The declaration of war against Iran should increase our debt to the point of inevitable collapse. The Chinese will foreclose and continue to run our country via the departments of government we have outsoured to them. Our military will be dissolved since we can no longer finance it. And it ends happily with a whimper not a bang.